How to accept Criticism and Advice

   In the Bible we read that all born-again Christians are part of the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:12-27; Ephesians 4:15-16). This body is similar to a physical body in that each believer is different than the next, varying in their strengths, weaknesses, spiritual gifts and opportunities. The body of believers is also referred to as the family of God, with God as the Father, and Jesus as the only legitimate Son; all other Christians are adopted into the family through new-birth in Christ (Ephesians 1:5; John 1:12-13). This family is made up of seasoned Christians, new converts, and a multitude of stages in-between. Whether God’s people are seen as body parts that vary in gifts and abilities, or as family members varying in spiritual understanding and experiences, one thing is clear, Christians differ from one another. Our differences allow us to learn from each other.

   We can learn from other Christians by observing their example in their conduct, words, and attitude. We can also grow by asking questions, or sharing our concerns with other believers, as we desire to learn from their wisdom, knowledge, and experiences. Yet there are times when opportunities for learning come to us in the form of advice or criticism. Unfortunately, criticism and advice is often undesired and poorly received. Such feedback tends to generate negative emotions in us. Perhaps we feel as though we are being attacked or targeted.

   As children of God there are a number of things to consider when we receive advice or criticism from others. Though often unwanted, advice and criticism can help us become more like Christ. Before we examine these considerations, let us look at what criticism and advice are, and how they differ. Merriam-Webster defines criticism as “a remark or comment that expresses disapproval of someone or something.” Criticism is usually expressed by those who feel the need to comment on one’s areas of weakness or mistakes committed. Criticism is not as punitive as rebuke, but both aim at addressing negative actions or attributes. Criticism and rebuke can be useful when expressed properly. The Bible tells us to admonish and rebuke those who are falling away from the teachings of Christ in order to save them from spiritual death (see Matthew 18:15). However, this should be done in a “spirit of gentleness” (Galatians 6:1).

   Advice is defined as “a recommendation regarding a decision or course of conduct” (Merriam-Webster). Unlike criticism, advice tends to focus on how one might improve something that is already heading in the right direction. Sometimes it is referred to as “constructive criticism.” 

It is important to remember that offering your advice or criticism to someone who has not asked for it can be destructive and hurtful. Yet there are times when we receive unsolicited criticism or advice. How can we respond positively in such instances? What are some considerations to remember when we receive advice or criticism from others?

   The first thing we should do when we receive advice or criticism is consider the person who is giving us this feedback. Is that person a professing Christian with a good testimony? If yes, then there is a good chance that this person loves you and wants the best for you. If the critic wants the best for you, then he must think it is important for you to hear his comments of concern. Try to put yourself in his place. Would you have acted differently? If yes, how so? On the other hand, if the critic is known for being a harsh and mean-spirited person who often shares uncalled-for comments with others, then perhaps his comment is ill intended and unjustified. In such a case we can share that person’s criticism with people we trust and ask them if it is warranted. The apostle Paul wrote many letters throughout his ministry. He was very concerned about the well being of other believers and the spiritual health of the early churches. It is quite common for his letters to contain admonishment or advice. Yet Paul always displayed his great love for the person or people he wrote to. For example, Paul opened his first letter to the Corinthians with the words, “Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God always concerning you for the grace of God which was given to you by Christ Jesus” (1 Corinthians 1:3-4). The readers knew that Paul’s letter was motivated by love, and thus the advice or criticism they received was seen as justified and important.

   After considering the critic, a second point to look at is the criticism or advice itself. Would accepting and implementing the criticism/advice improve your Christian walk? Or, does the feedback simply attack and tear down a part of who you are or what you have done? If we go back to the letters of Paul we will notice that he consistently cemented his authority in the teachings of Christ, and shared his concerns because he wanted them to return to, or remain in, Christ’s teachings. To the Galatians he wrote, “Paul, an apostle (not from men nor through man, but through Jesus Christ and God the Father who raised Him from the dead)… I marvel that you are turning away so soon from Him who called you in the grace of Christ, to a different gospel, which is not another; but there are some who trouble you and want to pervert the gospel of Christ” (Galatians 1:1,6-7). Paul’s criticism and advice were always meant to ground his audience in the truths of God’s Word. His intention was not to hurt or tear down, but to build up and refine.

   Now that we have briefly reflected on the critic and the intent of the criticism/advice we receive, it is time to look inward and examine ourselves. Do we have a desire within ourselves to grow in our relationship with God? Do we want to become more like Jesus, and reflect His attributes in our lives? If so, we need the humility of Christ to face our shortcomings and accept the criticism and advice of others. Though we serve the Lord with our whole hearts, it is possible to overlook some aspect of our lives that negatively reflects on Christ or His Church. I am reminded of the apostle Peter, who was sternly rebuked by Paul for favoring the Jewish-Christians over the Gentile-Christians in certain situations (Galatians 2:11-14). Paul’s admonition was quite direct and severe, but Peter accepted his criticism and saw the error of his ways. 

   Do we have a humble desire to “grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ?” (Ephesians 4:15) If so, it is important that we not only speak the “truth in love,” but receive it in love as well. Advice and criticism offered and received in love can help us grow closer to God and be further molded into the image of Christ.

David Knelsen

Chilliwack, BC