I Am Afraid

Have you also ever been really afraid? – Of course, we all know what fear is. Some of us are even predisposed to being timid by nature. When I think of my fears, the list would be quite lengthy. Naturally, fears change with age, but here and there we still encounter fears today.

Just recently, the doctor prescribed an MRI to check my kidney function, a screening that can only be performed in the hospital. A nurse met me and briefly explained how the whole procedure would take place, adding that I – before they could begin – had to watch a video, in order to be able to give my consent. Another patient, who had been listening, offered the unsolicited comment that she had gone through the same examination once and it had been “very painful.” I got a very strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. But my name had already been called and, shortly thereafter, I found myself alone in a room, staring at a screen. Full details of the exam were explained. And suddenly I was wide awake. I heard the following words: “In very rare cases, the examination can be fatal.” My pulse beat furiously; my blood pressure was perceptibly elevated; my heart felt stuck in my throat. I looked at the door. I could still escape the procedure – I survived the test. And it was not even “painful.”

Maybe you are smiling about my fear; such tests may not bother you. You certainly have other fears. Some talk about their fears, others keep them inside, hidden from others. No one wants to be a “coward,” hence we do not make a big deal of it. But fear is a reality. It is there, and even the well-meaning “do not be afraid” does not help us.

Fear often finds an open door when we are facing something new, such as the first day of school, before starting a new job or, related to aging, moving into a retirement home. We do not know what will happen to us. Will they accept us? Will we cope with the new or the change? How will the matter turn out? – The more we think about the matter, the greater the fear. Such anxiety can make our life pretty difficult. It lies like a dark cloud over our lives and wants to rob us of courage. In some cases, it even robs us of our appetite and creates insomnia. The words “I'm afraid” are serious words, when they concern me.

Naturally, the legitimate question arises: How can one best deal with fear? And what do we do when fear grips us? Sometimes it is good to ask others what they do with their fear and how they handle it. And that is what we want to do today. I have found someone whom we can ask this question. Why not take your Bible to hand and open Psalm 56 with me, which starts with the words “a Psalm of David.” He speaks openly of his fear. We are not the only ones who have to deal with anxiety. Even “great” men and women know what fear is. We should take a look at this Psalm.

David wrote this Psalm when he was on the run. You will soon discover that it is a prayer. He speaks with the Lord about his fear. The fear is literally screaming out of him. He pours out his heart before his God and shows Him his enemies and their intentions.

(1) “Be merciful to me, O God, for man would swallow me up; fighting all day he oppresses me.”

(5) “All day they twist my words; all their thoughts are against me for evil.” 

(6) “They gather together, they hide […] when they lie in wait for my life.”

This is not about a short-term matter, rather his enemies bothered him “all day” (verse 1). Fear was his constant companion. Verse 9 gives us a better insight into his situation:

(8a) “You number my wanderings” – He uses the word “wandering” in the plural to describe his life on the run. He was in the wilderness, hiding in caves and had to constantly move his habitation. He was never sure if he would live (8b) “my tears” – He is afflicted. He suffers. He cries.

At this point it would be appropriate to direct our questions to him: “How do you deal with your fears? How do you manage to live with this fear, this pressure?” After David has described his fear to us, he does not leave us hanging, rather also gives us an answer: 

(3) “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

(4) “…In God I have put my trust”

That all sounds good, but is it that simple? How do you do that? How does one simply trust? How does it look in practice? David is also not silent on this matter. He shows us how this “trust” can be realized. He refers us to the Word of God. (4) “In God (I will praise His word) …”  - We must not forget that at that time it was all about the Torah, the 5 books of Moses. Why was the Word of God so important to him? What was in the Torah? Here he found the history of Israel, the history of his ancestors. Here he read about the wonders of God, His divine intervention seen in humanly hopeless situations: liberation from slavery in Egypt, the crossing of the Red Sea, the cloud and the pillar of fire, the fall of the walls of Jericho, etc. The beauty of the Word of God is that God reveals Himself to us in His word. He shows Himself to us in His power and greatness, but also that He is the unchanging God who can help today just as He did then. For him it was like for the prophet Jeremiah, “Your words were found, and I ate them, and Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart; for I am called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts.” (Jeremiah 15:16) – In the word of God, he finds solace and joy returns. The Word of God has brought everything into perspective: God is still God!

David has found his footing again and fear must flee. How great it is to hear what he now expresses: (4) “In God (I will praise His word), in God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?” He sees himself securely in God's hands, although his outward circumstances have not changed. Full of confidence, he writes:

(9) “When I cry out to You, then my enemies will turn back; this I know, because God is for me.” 

(11) Until now he has always said “in God I will put my trust.” Now it says: (11) “In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” He trusts; it is no longer merely an “I want.”

(12) “[…] I will render praises to You”

(13) “For You have delivered my soul from death. Have You not kept my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?”

Let us leave David. He has found his help in the Word of God. Could God's word still help us too? In our fear? I think so: Read your fearful soul something from God's Word. Here the living God, who made heaven and earth, will meet you. He has measured your situation and will help you. In a song it says this so nicely:

“Commit whatever grieves thee into the gracious hands, of Him who never leaves thee, who Heav’n and earth commands. Who points the clouds their courses, whom winds and waves obey, He will direct thy footsteps and find for thee a way.”

(Paul Gerhardt 1607-1676)